Life as an ocean

Why does life have to always be so hard?  Is it life or is it us? Do we make it this hard?

I keep thinking I’m young, sure it shouldn't be this hard this quick? I’m not married, no kids no mortgage payments, so why am I bitching? Isn't it just going to get worse? MORE responsibilities, MORE work, MORE money needed.   How does everyone deal with that?  It literally scares me shitless. 

Maybe it’s just me.  I came to be with a man who lives in a ‘third world’ country.  The wages are poor compared to back home.  Yeh I live OK, rent an OK place, pay the bills alright, keep two people alive.  But being away from home brings its own problems on top of those regular ‘life is shit’ problems.  I've talked about this before a little. 

I never seem to be happy where I am for too long.  I wasn't happy in the UK so I left.  I’m starting not to be happy here so I want to be back home.  I want to earn real money, which admittedly would probably lead me in the same situation as here as better money than here in the UK is pretty shit over there. 

Why does everything run on money?  Why are flights expensive?  Why is bringing one person to a country so damn hard and expensive? 

I've never really been one of those people that expected life to fall on its ass and serve its self up on a silver plate with all the trimmings. I've understood the need to work hard for what you want.  I just didn't expect life to make me work this hard and keep throwing so many obstacles in the way. 

One of the only things I've ever wanted in life was love.  Sounds corny right?  Sorry folks, I’m one of those people.  I can’t explain it but I needed it.  Now I've got it I guess I didn't expect it to be so hard either.  There’s a lot of time I really just hate Denny.  I want to scream at him, hurt him and tell him he’s a moron.   There is no one I love more than him though, and yet I just can’t help but be horrible/want to be more horrible.  How fucked up is that? Surely it’s not normal? Is it?  I figured if it was the right person it’d be simple.  Is that naive? About 90% of the time I am sure he is the person I want to be with.  The 10% that isn't sure is because there are so many obstacles that make it hard.  I have never once given up on him, and I've never questioned how much I love him, but I am finding myself questioning how much I can go through.  And trust me, I feel horrible for admitting that. 

I’d rather fight with him than love anyone else. 

Sometimes I feel like life is suffocating me.  I have this metaphor I like to use to think of happiness.  It applies to just you, singular, or a couple.  

Imagine life is the ocean.  Happiness is being able to breathe above the surface.  The waves just keep coming; the tide just keeps dragging you down, deeper and deeper trying to drown you in life’s misery.  Happiness isn't a place you get to and sit there comfortably with a cold beer in one hand and a nice breeze passing over you in the sunshine.  Happiness out of life is a constant struggle to keep swimming upwards for air.  When you’re a couple and one of you is unhappy, when one tried to make the other happy they’re not only fighting the weight of life, they have you in their arms and trying to pull you up.  If the miserable one in the relationship isn't trying to get to happiness themselves, it’s like they’re either a dead weight getting heavier and heavier to pull up to the surface.   

Get the point? I've been each person in this scenario.  The singular, the one swimming, and the dead weight.   It just seems for me right now, there’s never a calm on the surface so I can enjoy breathing above the water for a little while. 

I don't want to complain, or be like a petulant child.  Plenty of people are worse off, don't have what I have.  I should be grateful for what I have.  

Just sometimes when that wave comes and all your energy is drained you need to scream about it before you find that extra pocket of energy to keep on swimming.  

Quotes to Quote.

The iPod completely changed the way people approach music.  
Karl Lagerfeld

Love begins at home, and it is no how much we do . . .  but how much love we put into that action.  
Mother Teresa.  

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.  
George Bernard Shaw 

The world owes you a living.  The world owes you nothing.  It was here first.  
Mark Twain

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.  
Confucius

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.  
Buddah

After a storm comes a calm.  
Matthew Henry

If you can dream it, you can do it.  
Walt Disney

If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree.  
Jim Rohn

Love is our true destiny.  We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another.  
Thomas Merton

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.  
H.L Mencken

Every man dies.  Not every man really lives.  
William Wallace

Love is what we were born with.  Fear is what we learned here.  
Marianne Williamson

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.  
Jimi Hendrix

Happiness depends upon ourselves.  
Aristotle

It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives.  It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.  
Charles Darwin

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.  
Mark Twain

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Thomas Sowell 

They say marriages are made in Heaven.  But so is thunder and lightning.  
Clint Eastwood  

Music is always a commentary on society
Frank Zappa

No change in musical style will survive unless it is accompanied by a change in clothing style.  Rock is to dress up to.  
Frank Zappa 

Just as no one can be forced into belief, so no one can be forced into unbelief. 
Sigmund Freud

Music is my Religion - Jimi Hendrix

I am no music genius.  I can't play any musical instrument as much as I have tried.  I can't sing for shit, I have been told my singing makes peoples ears bleed (thanks to my lovely fiance) but that doesn't matter with music.  Music doesn't care if you can play replicate it or not.  

Music is possibly one of the greatest things in the world, in the universe in my opinion.  In the first few cords of a song, it can take you back to a time, a place, a person a smell, a memory. 
It's a feeling, it's an art, it changes people.  It heals people.  

Music has been around for centuries.  Music instruments from a simple flute, to the french horn, to the guitar to the electric guitars, people have found ways to make music.  Then of course, there are our voices.  

The greatest era of music comes in the 20th century.  Of course there have been many eras of music from the times of Beethoven and Mozart until unfortunately today's time of Justin Beiber and Keisha. 

I almost wish I was born in my parents or grandparents era.

The 60s when rock and roll was new and taking off.  It was a decade that was revolutionary in terms of popular music.
Popular music has a bad rap in my opinion.  Pop music we all think of nowadays is cheesy boy or girl bands half heartedly singing while doing some ridiculous dance routine.  However pop music is what it is.  It's not called popular because no one likes it.  Sure some of it is cheesy, but it stays in our minds, we make fools of ourselves doing the silly dance moves, and we laugh about it.  That's the great ting about music, no matter what style of music it is.  
The 60s saw the birth of rock music, pop music.  Some of the greatest artists I still listen to date back to this time.  

The Beatles, Rolling Stones, The Who, Pink Floyd, The Kinks, Fleetwood Mac, Cream, Bob Dylan, The Mamas and Papas, Jimi Hendrix, The Hollies, Tom Jones, ZZ top,Lyndyrd Skynyrd, Eagles, Procol Harum, Ottis Reading, Jackson 5, Aretha Franklin, The Temptations, The Supremes, Johnny Cash, The Doors  and Led Zepplin.  

All of the greatest music ever made was born from the 60s.  Whether you love it or you hate it, whether your a British Invasion fan, a psychedelic rock fan, a folk fan, a blues rock fan, a mowtown fan, progressive rock, pop, soul or country music fan.  Everything comes from this era.  

How exciting would it have been to have lived to have grown up listening to this music which was brand new, exciting, fresh and unlike anything before? 

The 70s brought us disco, one of the biggest Genres of music for the decade.  We saw punk rock grow from this decade, heavy metal, glam rock, hard rock, new wave.  Electronic music was born.  Reggae was innovated in this decade, funk music, smooth jazz, even hip hop was spawned but didn't become popular until later on.  

The Bee Gees, Gloria Gaynor, Diana Ross, Blondie, The Knack, Boston, Aerosmith,Journey,Kiss, Black Sabbath, Alice Cooper, AC/DC, Supertramp, Electric Light Orchestra, Frank Zappa, Talking Heads, Queen, Abba, Elton John, Deep Purple, Motorhead, David Bowie, Marc Bolan, Roxy Music, Slade, Sweet, Mud, The Clash, 10cc, Cat Stevens, The Wilers and Bob Marley, Dire Straits, U2, Joy Divison and Frank Valli.  

Although some of these greats had started in the 60's either at first in bands or own their own, they became popular and huge during the 70s.  Some formed in the mid to late 70s and didn't find huge fame until the 1980s.  

The 80s saw the use of the synthesizer and so a number of electric music genres were born.  
These included electro, techno, house, freestyle and eurodance.  Dance music was born.  
R&B, Hip hop and new wave continued to grow in popularity as did the rock scene with new wave, soft and hard rock and heavy/glam metal.  

Michael Jackson, Madonna and Whitney Houston were huge at this time.  New bands and artists included New Kids on the Block, Tiffany, Def Leppard, Mötley Crüe, Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, Europe, Van Halen, Foreigner, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Slayer and Megadeath.  Steve Vai and Joe Satriani and Eddie Van Halen achieved international recognition for their skills.  

Alternative Rock and Independently signed bands emerged in this decade.  Bands such as R.E.M, The Pixies and Sonic Youth.  

Stevie Ray Vaughan and  George Thorogood sparked the revival of electric blues and blues rock.  

Dead or Alive, Depeche mode, New Order, A Flock of seagulls, Eurythmics, Frankie goes to Hollywood, Pet shop boys, Wham, The Cure, Duran Duran, Spandu Ballet were just a few of the most popular artists of the 80s.  


The 90s saw teen pop and dance pop which grew from the 70s and 80s expand.  Rock continued in the form of grunge, Britpop and industrial.  Hip hop had it's golden age in the 90s, while electronic music continued to gain fame with genres such as house, techno, drum and bass.  

The 90s saw the rise of - 

Nirvana, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Alice in Chains, The Offspring, Rage Against the Machine, The GooGoo Dolls, Green Day, The Smashing Pumpkins, Foo 
fighters, Stone temple pilots, Blink 182 and Pearl Jam.  

Pop became huge in the mid 90s with boy and girl bands and pop rock singer-song writers.  

The Spice Girls, Bryan Adams, Jeff Buckley, Alanis Morrisette, Shania Twain, Sheryl Crow, Backstreet boys, NSYNC, Christian Aguliera, Brittney Spears, Jennifer Lopez, Destiny's child, Mariah Carey, Michael Bolton, Sade, Toni Braxton, Boyz II men, Mary J Blige, TLC, Dr Dre, Missy Elliot, Moby, Happy Mondays, The Stone Roses, Manic Street Preachers, Stereophonics, Oasis,  Blur,Feeder, The Verve, Radiohead, Travis, Supergrass, Pulp, Westlife, Boyzone, George Michael, Robbie Williams, Take that, Vengaboys.  

90s saw DJs and superclubs emerge with  the electronic music.  Ministry of sound was created.  

2000s was a nonediscript decade in that there were not many new genres born.  With the exception of a few indie related genres such as emo.  Convergence of difference styles was one of the more defining features of the decade.  

2000s until the present day have brought a mix bag of different artists, most recently that of western influenced asian boy and girl groups such as SHINee, Super Junior, PSY, Big Bang and Girls generation to name a few.  

We also saw the rise of the reality TV star with shows such as Popstars, American Idol, Xfactor and The Voice, which have produced a few mediocre adult contemporary top 40 so called singers.  We have also had the pleasure of long time dead pop groups who have reunited from their 90s deaths after 10 years or so.  

Now we have so many different music genres which have grown and grown throughout the decades to incorporate so many very different musical genres.  Any type of music you like you are able to listen too.  And in anyway you want to.  We have live through 8-track and vinyl, tape decks and CD players, to downloads and MP3s.  

Each decade love it or hate it has something to offer for everyone.  I have favourites from each decade including the present day.  

The Beatles, Pink Floyd, David Bowie, Dire Straits, Michael Jackson, The Police, Bon Jovi,  Journey, The Verve, Oasis, Blur, Arctic Monkeys, Muse, Take That, The Spice Girls, SHINee, Super Junior, Kasabian, Adele to name a few of my favourites throughout time.  

Whether your a pop fan, a disco fan, a glam rock fan, a blues fan or a techno fan, music is a universal language.  You can listen to music in any language and despite knowing that the lyrics mean you can find a beat, you can feel something.  

Jimi Hendrix said 'music is my religion'.  I'm with you on that Jimi.  

Margret Thatcher: The Kids Milk Snatcher.

April 8th 2013.  Margret Thatcher dies in her luxury suite in The Ritz hotel in London from a massive stroke. 


To quote my dad: 'It's a shame she didn't go out screaming in pain, hopefully now she is burning in Hades'. 

Yesterday in the house of commons 150 Labour MPs snubbed the Commons tribute, while those Labour MPs who did go slammed her.  

She showed a brutal contempt for the unemployed, tried to bring the NHS to its knees, promoted greed and fueled homelessness.  

It’s said that Thatcher was a tax-cutter. She wasn't.  The overall tax burden (all taxes as a percentage of GDP) rose from 39 percent in 1979 to 43 percent in 1989. It’s true that Thatcher cut taxes massively for the rich – the top rate of tax was 83 percent when Thatcher came to power, and it was 40 percent when she left. But VAT, which hits the poor harder than the rich, was just 8 percent before Thatcher, and was put up to 15 percent as soon as she gained power. 

It’s said that Thatcher made the British people richer. She didn't.  In 1979 the poorest fifth of the population accounted for around 10 percent of after-tax income. By 1989 their share had fallen to 7 percent. Over the same period, the amount of income taken by the richest fifth rose from 37 percent to 43 percent. The rich got richer; the poor got poorer. 

It’s said that Thatcher restructured the economy and made British capitalism competitive.  SHE DIDN'T. Between 1980 and 1983, capacity in British industry fell by 24 percent. Unemployment shot up, eventually topping 3 million. Thatcher effectively shut down British manufacturing, much of it forever. In its place, she turned to the banks and the City, making their wildest dreams come true

It’s said that Thatcher’s greatest free market legacy is privatisation. It isn’t. Thatcher’s privatisations did not create competitive free markets. Instead, the government went for as much money as it could get by selling off public assets in big, monopolistic lumps. The cash came in handy for the chancellor, Nigel Lawson, who used it to claim he had balanced the budget in 1988. But the legacy is one of parasitic cartels, like in the energy sector, where a few big companies are free to bleed customers dry. 

It’s said that Thatcher restored law and order. She didn’t. Crime increased by a staggering 79 percent under Thatcher. There were riots in Brixton and Toxteth at the start of her reign, and riots and civil disobedience against the poll tax at the end of it. 


She once claimed 'there was no such thing as society'.  She branded Nelson Mandela a terrorist.

Thatcher was the most divisive Prime Minister in modern history. In addition she literally rejected society and glorified personal greed and selfishness. There is nothing at all to celebrate besides the fact she is gone.

Glenda Jackson said in the Commons tribute last week "She inflicted the most heinous, social, economic and spiritual damage upon this country"

Veteran Labour MP David Winnick also hit out at the "immense pain and suffering" caused by Thatcherism.

He said unemployment soared, condemning men and women who had worked all their lives to never work again.  "In 1979, 14% of children lived in relative poverty," he said. "In 1990/91, it was 31% living in such poverty.

Hillsborough

Liverpool Football Club and Nottingham Forrest Football Club faced each other on 15th April 1989 in a FA Cup semi-final match at Hillsborough Stadium in Sheffield.  

Liverpool fans were allocated the Leppings Lane stand within the stadium which was reached by a limited number if turnstiles.  Roadworks and traffic on the M62 motorway for Liverpool fans coming over from Liverpool caused fans to build up outside the grounds and once they got to the ground, entry was slow due to the few very old turnstiles available to to the Liverpool fans.  In an attempt to ease pressure outside the ground, Chief Superintendent Duckenfield ordered an exit gate to be opened.  The opened exit gate led to a tunnel marked 'standing' which led directly to the two already overcrowded enclosures.  In previous years the tunnel had been closed off by police when the two central pens were full, however on this occasion the tunnel was unmanned.  

The continuing influx of supporters into this tunnel caused crushing and some fans climbed over side fences or were lifted by fellow supporters onto the stand above to escape the crush.  Moments after kick-off, a crush barrier broke and fans began to fall on top of each other.  The game was stopped after six minutes.  

96 football fans lost their lives attempting to watch a game they loved.  Of the fatalities, 79 were aged 30 or younger.  Two sisters, three pairs of brothers and a father and son were among those who died, as were two men about to become fathers for the first time.  

My dad was at this game.  Fortunately for me he wasn't in the Leppings Lane stand. It so easily could have been my father who was one of the 96.  

It was a terrible tragedy which could have been avoided if the police had done their jobs correctly.  44 ambulances arrived, but police prevented all but one of them from entering the stadium.  

What was to follow this awful tragedy was accusations that the behavior of Liverpool fans contributed to the disaster centered around consumption of alcohol before the game and attempts to enter the ground without a ticket added to the pain for these families and to the people of Liverpool. 

The reports from the police were covered up for almost 24 years due to Margret Thatcher and her government.  The families of the victims had no justice down to this woman.  No she wasn't there at the time, she wasn't one of the incompetent police that day, but she denied families closure, justice and caused more heartache.  

The miners 

In 1984 they closed 20 coal mines, with a loss of 20,000 jobs and many communities in the north of England as well as Scotland and Wales would lose their primary source of employment. 

The strike lasted over a year.  People who had worked hard their whole lives suddenly found themselves unemployed, unable to provide for their families.  With no support from Thatcher or her government.  

Unemployment

Unemployment was over 3 million for the first time since the 1930s under Margret Thatcher.  She sold off stat owned businesses such as BT to pay for her economic policy of having huge dole queues. 

She initiated what were politically termed as ‘right wing monetarist’ policies. 

The ‘monetarist’ policies were privatization and inward competition, and both were initiated to create mass redundancies and sacking in order to equally create mass unemployment to lower inflation, so profits could be made on the backs of workers losing their jobs, which is what happened through 18 years of ‘right wing’ Tory rule in Britain.  

Whilst creating mass unemployment via monetarism, Margret Thatcher also abolished 'minimum' wages and Union power, so workers would have no say in how they were being treated.  Thereby making people grateful for work, therefore more unlikely to strike against them.  

I wasn't alive in the Thatcher era, but her legacy she has left us with is all around.  Do I think she deserves a state funeral? No.  Do I think it's right to celebrate her death? I don't deny those who she has hurt the right to do so.  Do I think it's right the tax payer should fork out 10 million on her funeral? Not a chance.  

Towns and cities up and down the country celebrated the news of her death by throwing parties in the streets, lined with banners which said 'the bitch is dead'.  
Do these things scream give this woman a 10 million pound state funeral? No.  


In the words of Frankie Boyle:  ' With 10 million we could buy enough shovels and pay everyone in Scotland to dig a hole deep enough we can hand her over to Satan himself.'  

“God has no religion.” - Mahatma Gandhi

I just had a very interesting class with a student and I wanted to share it with you.  

He is from Brazil, I have had one class with him before and he likes to talk and ask a lot of questions.  He told me he was 55 years old and his wife was 45.  He was asking me about travelling about being independent and about prejudice.  

It got me thinking about judgement and racism and prejudice.  
I am not one of these people.  I try and not hold any racism or prejudice against anyone.  I would say my mind is more open than a lot of people.  I'm by no means saying I'm some kind of Mother Theresa  no way, I do still have some ideas about how things should be and often judge people for being what I consider moronic.  
But there are a lot of racist people in this world.  People who hate people because of their race, their skin color  their religion.  I hate these people.  
Yes I complain about some of them, for example certain students from certain countries but not necessarily because I hate their culture or religion, mostly because they're just idiots.  

This man however thought it was quite incredible how open I seem to be.  How I lack these prejudices that I guess he assumed I would have.  He doesn't really know me no and we have had two classes totally 80 minutes together.  Hardly a life time of knowing someone. 

He did strike something in me though.  How many people do you know who blindly hate a religion for seemingly no reason at all?  How many people do you know who call someone a 'paki' or a 'nigger' or some other derogatory name based on their skin color or home country?  

I have done this before.  Sure everyone has at one point or another whether they mean it menacingly or not.  I think though the more you experience people of these races or religions the more you see the world is wrong.  We are almost conditioned to hate anyone who is Muslim as a western race and vice versa. 
I think it's wrong.  There are good and bad all over the world.  In every country and in every religion.

Extremism is wrong.  This is my opinion.  I'm talking about religion now.  If you are extreme that's fine.  You want to lock yourself up in a church and be a nun or a monk, go right ahead.  That's your right as a human being.  Don't project it onto me though and try and tell me I am living a life of sin.  I am a good person. I try to live a good life,  I don't steal, I don't kill people, I try and be kind to other people.  I don't drink excessively, I don't take drugs and I don't try and force people to do anything they don't want.  I'd like to help people, my family and friends more than my means allow for, so unfortunately I can't always do this.  But I want to and I try.
Because I don't go to church every Sunday or I don't get down on my knees and pray to the East every morning does this mean I am going to hell?  
I don't think so.  

I believe we are all ignorant.  We are uneducated about these things and we form opinions basically given to us by our parents or the media when really we have no idea what the hell we are talking about.  In school I didn't learn a thing about Islam.  I didn't know anything about Hinduism.  I learnt about Jesus, and Christianity.  Yes I am from a Christian country, so what can I do.  I do think it's wrong though.  
I know a lot of people now who have many different religions.  Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist all varying degrees of faith.

My parents didn't have me christened.  Something which a lot of people do in the UK, even though none of them ever go to church for the rest of their lives afterwards.  They told me, 'if you find religion when you're older, that's great go for it'  but they weren't about to inflict societies ideas of religion on us just because everyone else was.  
I'm glad.  I don't have a religion.  I don't actually believe in religion.  However I do believe in God.  Or the creator, or evolution, or a higher energy power, whatever you want to call him/it.  I don't think there is some guy in the sky looking down on us with a magnifying glass.  I believe in science and I believe in karma and balance.  I believe in yin and yang.  As for religion, I feel like everyone has their own ideas but I like to believe they all pray and believe in the same thing, everyone around the world just has different names for it.  Allah, Jesus, Mohammed, God, Rama, Krishna the list goes on.
That is not to say I don't respect you for having religion, for having your faith and believing in something different to me. If it makes you feel better, if it means you try and be a good person good for you.  

“I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It's just that the translations have gone wrong.”

― John Lennon

I found this quote from John Lennon and I have to say I agree.  The translations I believe he is talking about for me is what we as people have formed into religions.  The people religion follows aren't necessarily wrong in their teachings, love one another, show kindness etc.  But the whole drama of going to some place to pray sounds wrong.    

“I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

I don't believe if there was some man in the sky he would want people to be sat around screaming his name. I don't think he would particularly care if you used his name in vain.  I don't believe it would be, entertaining for a god to sit and watch a group of people be perfect in 'his view of perfect'.  Why else do we have free will to choose what is right to do.  As long as we don't hurt anyone.  

I don't believe there are 'gods' in the sky, who are all fighting for a place the way we down here fight against who's religion is right or better.  

Hating each other for what we believe is wrong.  Religion in itself I find very hypocritical.  It's part of the reason I cannot believe in one religion.  

So next time you blindly disregard someone because of their religion, or their race, take a second to remember that we are all humans, living and breathing, and we as long as no one is hurting you, why should you hate them? 

The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.

I thoroughly believe travelling is one of the most worthwhile things you could ever possibly do in your life. 

It changes your whole belief system, it opens your mind to just how small the world is and just how disconnected from each other we really are.  If it doesn't change you in some way, in some small way you’re doing it wrong. 

Ok so I haven’t exactly gone out and dug wells in some poor village with starving children in Africa. 

I have been to several different places across four of the seven continents.  There are many places I haven’t been, many places I wish to go, and many places I don’t wish to go. 

Let me run down the list here.  Let’s start in Europe.  Ireland, Spain, France, Belgium, Italy, Greece, Portugal and the Netherlands if you count just a stopover in the airport (which by the way I don’t really).  Asia; Thailand, Singapore, Indonesia, Malaysia and Abu Dhabi but again sadly just the airport.  Australia, New Zealand, Fiji. Finally New York City USA.  So the list doesn't seem like an awful lot granted, but I've been many of these places more than once and many for longer than a month, meaning I've visited more than just one place within the country. 

I’m not going to pretend I’m some know-it-all traveler.  I hate know-it-alls.  I am not one of those travelers who like to put a backpack on and hike up mountains or sleep around campfires.  I like a good bed, I like a working shower, I don’t like to hike anywhere.  So I’m not going to sit here and preach to you how you should be doing that, how that is travelling as many people might do.  

Travelling by definition is this - to make a journey usually over a long distance.  

For me travelling is about discovering a culture.  Seeing how life works in these other places.  Tasting the food.  Befriending the locals, seeing what’s out there to see. 

Aldous Huxley said: 'To Travel is to discover everyone is wrong about other countries.'
I couldn't agree more.  

I have spent holidays in these places, I've visited for day trips, I've spent months living there, visiting friends and family, living for years even. 

I've seen how people live in many of these places.  I've seen firsthand and I've seen second hand.  I've see my money drain away and I've seen how cheap it can be to live there.  I have tasted the food from ribs and steaks in New York to Babi Guling in Bali to steamed lemon chicken and sticky rice in Thailand.  Experienced the climates from monsoons to scorching heat.  Seen the temples and the churches, the beaches and the mountains.  I gone by plane, over night train, sky train, underground, bus, coach, mini bus, local bus, boat, taxi, truck, car and motorbike.  I've even ridden on an elephant’s neck.  I've stayed in hostels, hotels, motels, huts on sticks, apartments, houses, friends houses and there was once I actually camped in a field.  I've been to the top of sky scrapers and I've wandered through jungles. 

Travelling is a test of who you are, and although this might sound very corny, it is a journey of self discovery.  You find out who you are, what you like and just how strong you are. 
Travelling is more fun when things don’t go to plan, however you need to be prepared not just for things not to go to plan, but to go completely wrong. 

When I traveled with Sarah we changed every single flight we booked.  Added extra flights.  I've been robbed, I've been cheated.  I've been without money and without a place to stay.  I've crashed a car and a motorbike (although not to seriously thankfully).  I've had food poisoning and been very sick.  I've had bikes and cars break down, I've been stranded in airports for hours.  I've been hungry and tired and dirty.  

In Australia we hired a car, twice.  The first time was fine, although we did have problems with my card and paying for it.  The second time we hired the car from Mackay to Cairns.  We drove for a week, and in one town, Townsville I was backing out of a parking space in a multi story car park and right into a post.  Scratched the whole car on the drivers side.  Utter nightmare, which we then spent three days rushing around trying to get it fixed and finding quotes for how much it cost.  That little accident cost me $800 and I can never use Europe car again, I think they're still after me for more money.  

I had money stolen from my bank account when we were in Thailand.  Three weeks in, and we went down to Koh Samui from Bangkok.  I had booked the hotel using the WiFi in Bangkok.  We think it must have been watched or something because by the time I checked my bank account in Koh Samui I was 800 pounds short.  Thankfully me and Sarah each had a bank account, in fact I had two, and we had a joint bank account which we fed money into so we didn't have money all in one place.  

However at this time we had no money in our joint account, and Sarah managed somehow to put her pin number in wrong three times at an ATM machine so we lost her card too.  We had some cash on us which we changed, and since I got in touch with my bank I got my money back  but we were without our cards until our parents sent them to us once we reached Australia.  

This leads me onto our next problem in Bali.  My fault, I didn't do my research and didn't realise I would need to pay for the visa to enter Indonesia.  We had barely no money from our stop over in Singapore and although we had transferred money to our joint account, the only one we could still use, it hadn't transferred yet.  We arrived in Bali around 10pm, with no money at all. Panic! 

There was one guy who spoke English in immigration who helped us.  He paid our visas and took us to our hotel (I stupidly thought we'd get a taxi) and I gave him my phone as kind of guarantee we would pay him back.  He took us to dinner as we hadn't eaten either.  When we got to the hotel what happened, it was full and I had booked the dates wrong by one night.  He told us we could stay in his house with his mother and father which we did.  Talk about a crazy arrival in Bali.  My sister panicked the whole time and I don't blame her.  A number of things could have gone wrong and we were so lucky.  The next day our money was there we could stay in the hotel and I had my phone back.  But talk about life lesson to make sure you have enough money, do your research and be careful! 

Certainly, travel is more than the seeing of sights; it is a change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living. - Miriam Beard

I like this quote because this is what I see travel doing to people.  Whether you have visited a place for a week, a month or a year this can happen to you.  Seeing new things can change you.  Your perspective.  Your goals and dreams.  Your ignorance's.  Like the quote above, to travel is to see you are wrong about other countries. 

We have our own ideas about countries, about a culture, a race and we cannot learn about it from a book, from a teacher or from a TV documentary.  You cannot take the word of one person, what you love they might hate.  You must go and see for yourself. 

Be smart. 

Be aware. 

Be brave. 

You might discover more than just a culture, you might find yourself.  

Living with an Alien

So I live in Bali.  I've lived here about 3 years all in all.  Let me tell you something, it doesn't get any easier. 

We all know I traveled.  I spent 10 months with Sarah going from place to place, and I think Sarah would agree we liked Bali the best.   We came three times together throughout our travels and spent a total of about 4 months here.  This was when I met Denny, fell completely in love and gambled everything to move back and be here with him. 

When I told people I was going I got either one of two responses. 

‘Wow you’re so brave’ 

Or

‘Are you crazy?’

My response; probably I am a little of both.  In retrospect you need to be a little crazy and a little brave to just give up your life and move to a place with a completely 180 degree difference in  culture and lifestyle to the one you’re used to. 

Anyway I did it, by myself, and I was fortunate.  Denny’s family were wonderful in taking care of me and treating me as one of their own. 

I figured, I’ll be here a year, just a year.  I was 22 at the time, so a year didn't seem like a big deal, and if it didn't work out at least I’d lived somewhere else and hopefully worked for a year which is an experience. 

I didn't start to work until I had been here for around 5 months.  Things didn't work out the way I planned with Den from the start, but I persevered.  Let this be a lesson to you all; perseverance pays off.  When life is shouting at you you've made a mistake and it’s all going to hell what you planned, keep on going, maybe something better will happen. 

Fortunately things did work out after about 6 months, and now, 2 and a half years later, I am engaged to the man I gave up my life for. 

However it hasn't all been smooth sailing. 
As many of you know our relationship has not been easy. 

Relationships in general are not easy.  Living with someone in general who is from your country, who knows your customs, who speaks the same language as you is not easy.  Throw in a completely opposite culture and someone who speaks your language as their second language and you make things about a million times more difficult.  Anyone who has done this will know exactly what I am talking about.  Anyone close to me will also tell you this. 

For me and Den, add a pinch of his crazy and the way his life is (I won’t explain this now but those of you who know me will know what I mean) and you've got yourself a very complicated relationship cocktail. 

For me this is the first time I have lived with a boy.  So being a rookie always helps spice up a shit mix of complexities.  It’s Denny’s first time to live with a ‘westerner’.  He has lived with girlfriends, hell, he’s been married before, but it’s a very different brew when you mix cultures. 

There have been very very bad times, arguments, fights, misunderstandings the list is endless.  I’m proud to say so far we've made it through.  We still can stand to be around each other.  We still love each other.  There is a part of me that feels his love grow for me every day.  I have loved him pretty much intensely the moment I saw him (you can contact my sister on the details of the moment I saw him; she’ll give you the scoop.) But for Denny his love for me has been slow, and growing, and while I am more accepting and learn quickly he has had a more difficult time finding the balance of compromise and understanding for me and my ways. 

This could be down to his culture.  Here men are kings.  They are born kings in their families, and therefore never learn how to compromise.  The women who marry the men follow the men, and so the women are accomplished at compromise, while the men, they are about 100 years behind everyone else.  It’s not his fault he is like this.  This is the way many Asian cultures are.  I cannot condemn him for being born here and being brought up this way.  Just as he cannot condemn me for wanting our relationship to be an equal compromise, as that is the culture in which I was raised. 

For all the problems we have had he’s done well.  Very well in fact.  I actually count myself quite lucky with him and his family.  Bali is a Hindu island.  Island of the Gods, but Indonesia is largely a Muslim country.  Denny and his family are neither.  They are protestant Christian.  This makes things slightly easier being the UK is a Christian country.  At least we don’t have to add the minefield of religion into our relationship cocktail.

His family are very modern for an Asian family.  His mum has traveled to several countries in Europe, USA, Australia, and Asia.  His dad is always around western people, as his job as a musician, so since an early age Denny grew up with a slightly more open mind about things than most.  I’m lucky his whole family speak English well enough that we can all talk to each other. 

I know people here who are with partners and they don’t have the blessing of either of these things.  They have different religions, their partners or partners Families don’t speak very good English.  I admire the people who have come from different western countries, USA, Aus, UK and they take on their partners’ religions and customs, they live with their partners’ families despite the language barrier, and they thrive.  It’s hard enough for me having a relationship without these added barriers, and yet my friends here have overcome them. 

Denny’s family are open and they have shown me respect from where I am from.  Simple things, that you wouldn't even realize is an issue unless you've lived the situation out here. 

I’ll give you a slight example.  I know this woman who is from Australia.  I don’t know her well, but I've chatted with her a few times.  She told me this story that was putting a huge strain on her and her husband. 

His family are what they would call ‘village people’ here.  No that doesn't mean they perform the  YMCA.  It means they have a very strong Balinese culture and know very little about the western way of life.  It’s possible they had never even met a western person before this woman married one of their children.  He was a musician and as far as I know that is how he met his wife. 
They were attempting to buy a house here.  They needed to save, and after a lot of bad luck, it became almost impossible for them to do this.  The woman was already at her wits end.  They had been living in his family’s home for some time but the mother in law, apparently had no sense of what privacy or personal space was.  Every time this woman went shopping and brought it home the mother in law would look through the bags.  If she was in her bedroom, even if she was undressing the mother in law would come in without knocking.  

Like I said I didn’t know this woman well, so I don’t know about other factors adding to their problems, but I recently found out they are getting a divorce. 

It is difficult and I give this woman credit that she lasted as long as she did.  I have lived with Denny’s mum and while I love her I need my space.  Just as I have a much better relationship with my own mum when I don’t live with her, even though I adore her to death. 

In our society we take this space, this privacy somewhat for granted.  If we don’t want to live with our folks anymore and we have the wherewithal to do so we move out.  We are not condemned or talked about if we live with our partners and we are unmarried.  

Here,traditionally, the man usually stays at home and looks after the parents.  It’s almost like a pension.  Instead of saving money all your life to give up work and live comfortably, you raise your children, hopefully have a son, who when the time comes that you are unable to work anymore the son works and looks after you and his family in the home.  It’s nice in a way, to be able to do that.  The women are the ones who leave their families, their religions if they are from a different religion and like I said before, follow the man.  It can’t be easy, and we as a western society have not been brought up to look after our elderly in this way.  We pack our folks off to the old people home as fast as possible, and visit once a week for an hour or two if they’re lucky. 

Denny’s family isn't really like this though.  Which suits me.  I love his family, but I need space.  It’s difficult enough learning Denny’s ways without throwing more people into the mix.  I like to do things my way, and while I have learned a great deal of tolerance here, there’s only so much you could take. 

I think it’s a great thing to learn about a different culture which is such a huge change to what you’re used to.  It opens your mind and frees you in some ways from the safe bubble you have been wrapped up warm in your whole lives.  I learn something new every day here.  It’s not to say I completely 100% agree with everything they think and do, but I can accept and appreciate it for whatever it is.  As difficult as it may be at times. 

As a lot of you know we are about to start our second attempt at gaining Denny a visa to visit the UK.  I would love him to just see it.  See the differences, in the streets, the traffic, the shopping, the public transport, what we watch on TV, experience Christmas in the UK, even see snow if he’s lucky.  He won’t like every single thing there, and he will sure as hell miss certain things from here.  It would be nice for him to be able to understand my culture as much as I have tried to understand his.